Part 11: FIN

Part 11: FIN

Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Twoson Love Theme


Everyone gets to level 17-18 offscreen. At this point, we’re overleveled for the final battle. With the amount of preparation I’ve done, it’s unlikely that anyone will actually die.

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.


Said preparation entails a lot of Brain food lunches, a bunch of Horn of lives, and of course, a staggering amount of Hawaiian pizzas.


To the final battle.

Silence.


: “As you step between those two trees, the world melts away around you. You’re used to this by now.

...but this time is different.

As you make the step, you hit the ground hard. The world is beating purple and red around you. The ground is made of vile intestines.

Oh, Lovely.

You are inside the monster.

Your heart is burning, but it does not seem to be beating anymore. Your body is made of metal rubber. Your eyes are black holes. Your arms move robotically, heavy. Your legs are pulled forward, as if by magnets… But they’re still so heavy.

You’re in a dark vacuum. There is no air and no heat. There’s nothing except pulsating violet.

You are inside the monster.

The monster."



Earthbound OST - Giygas’ Lair


For some reason, we’ve reverted to Mother 1 sprites. With a few shadowy modifications to Jerry/Ninten’s face, of course.

I blame the 90s nostalgatards.


I’m sure that stepping on a man’s intestines can’t be sanitary. Well, let’s see where the desolate road takes us, shall we?

Is this ripping off Bowser’s Inside Story?


It looks like...this is the end of the road.

Earthbound OST - Giygas' Intro


Suddenly, a hole opens up and a marshmallow monstrosity materializes out of nowhere. It’s like a really bad Doctor Who episode.

Jesus Christ, kill that thing, now.


: “Look at what this world has done to me. LOOK AT ME. HAHAHAHA, DO YOU SEE THIS?”

Yes...yes I have. You’ve turned into a marshmallow.


: “Jerry...do you really think you’re a hero? YOU’RE NOT A HERO...You kill people for money. Where’s the heroism in that? YOU WENT INTO AN OLD MAN’S MIND SO YOU COULD KILL HIM.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

but you won’t, Jerry"


: “he has to kill that monster, right? Jerry, even in this form i am shaking with fear

i don’t want to die

leave me alone

go away and leave me alone

PUT

PUT THE KNIFE AWAY

you and your puny bodies...STAY BACK”


And so Jerry (and his cohorts) will finish this off once and for all.

In other words, this is…

The Final Battle.

IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN *cheesy keyboard riff engaged*

Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Id


: “Because I’ve got a job to finish. I probably should’ve asked for more pay…”



The Id, in its purest form, is a plot device that allows us to see the inner workings of Dr. Andonuts’ psych. All we have to do is thwack him around a couple of times until dialogue pops up.

Stop reminding me of 11th grade English psychoanalysis.

As such…



: “leave me alone

please, please leave me be”

: “Sorry, old time. No can do.”

I’m not sure what Andonuts’ Id has to do with satisfaction, but it’s good at being instinctive and overly expressive.



: “why

why do you have to hunt me down

please just go away"

Wait...are those eyes on his body? I never noticed them before.

...I noticed them immediately, Eris.


: “you would break down eventually

your eyes

his eyes

they are so full of bloodlust

when you look at me

i want to scream”

One waling later…


: “don’t hurt me

i have no weapon

QUIT PICKING ON ME”

: “A bit too late for that, pal.”



: “You’ve done a good job. You’ve slain the monster. I can feel the blood from my brain leaking into the rest of my body.

It’s warm.

It’s making me sad.

I’m sorry I wasn’t much of a fight, Jerry.”

: “Forgive you too, doc.”

: “well... I… ohhhhhh urrrrrrgh…”


The screen shutters to black. Welp, here goes nothing…

There’s more?

Earthbound OST - Giygas Stirs


Groovy.


: “it’s hatred

for the person who came so far

just to destroy an old man

my mind is gone. all that is left is pure hatred."


: “wl”


Let’s DO THIS.

Earthbound OST - Giygas’ Intimidation


Time for the final boss of the game: Dr. Andonuts’. Some people have a hard time with him, but if you prepare, this’ll go like a breeze.

I think he’s constipated.


In Phase One of the battle, we should have Mom cast PSI Shield Zeta on everyone. Not Omega. Zeta. If we don’t, Phase Four will utterly wreck us. OP’s Barrier Zeta Omega is also a welcome reprieve, although it’s not as necessary.


: “YOU SEE THIS ULTIMATE, UNLIMITED POWER? Jerry.”




























Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Megalovania (Listen!)
Clash With a Doctor Remix

Best track in the game.

: “I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT.”

“I AM NOW TRIGGERED, YOU CIS WHITE SCUM”


: “i’ll shove your asses so far down your throats

that when you crap

you’ll sing fucking beethoven

tl;dr:

eat shit, faggots”

Oh hey, I didn’t know that /b/ created a romhack.

: “Let’s finish this, asshole.”


Dr. Andonuts’s Offense is 24!
Defense is 32!
Vulnerable to PSI Fire!
Vulnerable to PSI Freeze!
Vulnerable to PSI Flash!
Vulnerable to Paralysis!
Open to Hypnosis!

Throughout the fight, Dr. Andonuts will go through multiple phases, changing his stats and vulnerability each time. It’s in our interest to exploit those weaknesses.

As for this phase…

IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM.


...Whiteshock Alpha (PSI Flash) fits the bill. With any luck, the spell will kill him instantly, moving us along to Phase Two.


I get it in two turns. In the meantime, all of his spells are being dispersed by PSI Shield Zeta.

: “‘...go… b… a… c… k…’

oof

you

you’re...But your attacks are meaningless here! I am the master of this dimension. Jerry, I’m going to burn you to such a crisp-”


: “After you.”

Sandy, I need water....


We’ve just entered Phase Two. This time, he’s weak to Freeze. The strategy here is to cast Freeze Alpha/Beta and smack him until Phase 3 slides in.


But before that, we’ll have everyone equip the Fire pendants from last update. Just in case a shield sputters out and Mom doesn’t have enough PP.


As you can probably tell, each Phase has its own gimmicks. Phase Two’s gimmick is fire attacks.


Occasionally, Andonuts will bypass our shields with an attack. However, due to the Fire pendant, this is rendered a moot inconvenience.


Soon enough, we kick Phase Two straight out the gutter.

: “‘It’s not right… not right… not right...’

argh! you fags

You’re all fags

and if fire didn’t extinguish you"


: “enjoy the freezing temperature of space

Jerry!”

: “...”


Now is a good moment to equip the H20 pendant instead.


Phase 3’s gimmick is all about ice. And do you know what’s effective against ice?

Andonuts seems more like a schoolground bully than a massive threat.


Cold. Hot. Fire. Since I don’t have Flame Beta however, it deals a meager amount of damage. At that point, it’s better to stick with physical attacks.


We need to keep Mom’s PP up for the next phase, in order to reinforce the shield. So bottoms up the Brain food lunch, I suppose.


Sure, why not? It’s his world -he can probably do Matrix-level crap in here.


Unfortunately, I kill him too fast to show off his Freeze Omega. Oh well.

: “...I’m h… a… p… p… y…”

arrrgh!

I

Jerry

you are going to die here

your puny psychic abilities are nothing compared to mine

you are going to suffer the greatest psychic attack

prepare to have your mind beg for mercy”


Throughout the next couple of turns, Dr. Andonuts will start drawing in an incredible amount of power. While you might think that it’s a free reprieve to bank and tackle him to the ground, it’s not a good idea.

“Dr. Andonuts used Focus Energy! Dr. Andonuts is pumping up!”


Every time we try to hit the slippery bastard, he dodges out of the way like Ciaphas Cain on crack. On top of that, any spells we try to lay on him will only do 1 hit point of damage.



Every 3-4 turns, Dr. Andonuts will unleash his special PSI attack: PSI Bitchkill Omega. It’s the most powerful spell in the game, dealing damage upwards to 15,000+. And that’s just Jerry.


However, if you did as I said and reinforced everyone with PSI Shield Zeta, the spell should dissipate harmlessly. If you disregarded my warning and cast PSI Shield Omega, you’re going to see a game over screen soon.


So how do we counter this? Whiteshock Alpha. We just have to cast and pray that the spell will screw him over.


Got him in three tries this time.

: “‘...Jerry...’”
: "At your service.”
: “‘It hurts, Jerry...’”
: “Being stabbed does that to you.”
: “NO! why can’t I

you

I AM DONE FOOLING AROUND

I AM JUST GOING TO KILL YOU

NO MERCY”


After the thwarting of his plans, Dr. Andonuts resorts to kicking us in the crotch really hard. No, I’m not joking. He really does that.


Getting his face caved in somehow diamondized OP.


The last phase is more of an annoyance than anything else. In addition to the physical attacks, the good doctor likes to heap status effects with the efficiency of a phone salesman.

Then could you call this...Death of a Salesman?


Everyone’s HP is brought back to max.


Dr. Andonuts somehow misses. Welp, I guess that’s a death sentence for him.



And Jerry ends the battle with a SMAAAAAASHHHH! An appropriate conclusion, wouldn’t you say?

Earthbound OST - Giygas Disintegrates


: “Even when I’m in my own mind. Even when I’m fighting for my life. I guess… I guess I’m better off dead.

…

You remind me a lot of my son’s friend. Hahaha. I’m...I’m going to go now. I feel really exhausted. So…

…

Jerry! If we ever meet again… You’re going to...get the...sh…”


: “Parkour, bitch.”

…shit beaten out of you?


And that’s a wrap.


Lies and slander.



: “He’s dead. ...not really feelin’ that much about it. You feel a little like this situation could have been avoided.

Oh, well. You really did have a choice...You could have stopped altogether… Or kept going.

He’s lying there still, looking up. He’s probably in heaven now, or something. Oh well, mission accomplished.”

: “Time for a beer.”



: “You probably should have worn a little bit more. Sure, there are monsters running around, but what’s the big deal?

You’re a bounty hunter.

You smile a little. It’s kind of funny how you eradicate the rest of your monsters on the walk back. On the way, a SWAT team comes into the area and thanks you.

They give you an airlift back to Twoson.”



Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Twoson Love Theme


: “There are kids running around talking about their costumes,-”
: “...Minus four or five.”
: “-and pumpkins lining houses. Absolutely nothing’s changed. It’s Halloween today, I guess. That’s pretty cute. Jerry, you’re probably just gonna drink and find some cute girl to spend the night with.

Pretty boring existence.”

But it’s fun. You’ve had a pretty rough day. Why don’t you take a rest?"


Earthbound OST - Because I Love You

: “You sleep and think a little. Pirkle’s trying to take credit for the fact that you killed the monster and get re-elected.

Predictable.

The people are smart enough in this town to vote for someone who isn’t a fearmongering crook.

Well, okay, you don’t really sleep. You’re having a little trouble. You sit on the edge of your bed, thinking. You laugh a little, because you just realized you sleep in chain mail. You’re a pretty ridiculous person.

Anyway…

You think that it’s pretty cool...What you mean to say is…

… well…

Even though you don’t have a wife or kids...People still like you. You have good self-esteem, and you’re strong and pretty smart. Even though there’s no real meaning to your life, you enjoy it.

Heheheh.

What’s up with all this moral crap? Let’s just go to sleep now, really…

Your eyes are normal, you have a working head. Nothing’s on fire or made of concrete or something stupid…

So why can’t you go to…"



: “!!!!!!!

Then you just kinda laughed, ‘cuz it was dumb. You slept pretty well after that.

And that’s the end.”

...Oookaaaay.

Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Megalovania



We did.



Welp, Megalovania plays here, but you know what? Let’s end this, typical Brandish fashion.

Jerry Toraernos
Level 18
HP: 93
PP: 91
Offense: 37
Defense: 36
Speed: 8
Guts: 90
Vitality: 6
IQ: 9
Luck: 24

And, because I’m lazy, I’m letting symbolic take the “Where Are They Now?” Epilogue.

Thanks Eris.

Jerry Toraernos was arrested five years later for beating a homeless man to death, and for having a stupid surname. He’s currently living out the rest of his life in a prison somewhere in Greece.


Mom Polestar
Level 17
HP: 83
PP: 85
Offense: 21
Defense: 30
Speed: 15
Guts: 10
Vitality: 5
IQ: 17
Luck: 70

Mom Polestar married into the family of a wealthy Foursidian and spent the next few years as a prominent socialite. However, the great recession that hit the city rendered them bankrupt. Now she works at a pharmacy in Threed.


Ban Andonuts
Level 19
HP: 81
PP: 2
Offense: 29
Defense: 34
Speed: 11
Guts: 10
Vitality: 5
IQ: 23
Luck: 8

Ban Andonuts turned to his other true passion in life; professional gambling. Learning to card-count quite effectively, he made over $2 million before he was caught. After donating most of the winnings to charity, he now leads a quiet life somewhere in South America.


OP Dalaam
Level 18
HP: 101
PP: 63
Offense: 34
Defense: 37
Speed: 16
Guts: 6
Vitality: 6
IQ: 12
Luck: 6

OP Dalaam found inner peace by traveling to Tibet, where he reached spiritual enlightenment through meditation. He wanders throughout Southeastern Asia, preaching the empowerment he received from his travels.


Pirkle McPirkle eventually rose up the political ladder. He was elected as a Democratic senator from Eagleland and served four terms. He passed away just last year, hailed as one of the most enigmatic congressmen in recent memory.

I’d just like to say that I hate you.

But I love you.



Anyways, that's it.


: “Hi, do you mind telling me where the nearest laundromat is? I need to wash all this blood off…”